A Quick Note About The Stress

Certified Mortgage Advisor
NMLS 1701021
Published 
October 10, 2020

What this pandemic changed in this market

So everybody knows that COVID is going on right now and it's changing so much. Also, what I'm seeing is a lot of frustration happening with people who are wanting to purchase a home.

It's good to have a game plan, but...

Where you might be right now, is you've been working on your game plan, you've been working on your credit, you've been working on your savings, you've been learning lots of things, you've been watching videos, but then things keep changing. The rules about mortgages change, the home buying landscape changes, things are more competitive homes are increasing and their value. It's difficult now to get a mortgage, and it can feel like everything just got pushed back even farther.

Remove your focus

So I want to talk about the stress really quickly and some of the ways that we can deal with the stress that happens here. Events like this give us the opportunity to pull back a little bit and take a zoomed-out view and see, okay, what's actually going on.

Get the bird's eye view and study the roadblocks

Because sometimes we can get so focused on the goal that we have, that when we get roadblocks in the way. All we're focused on is the next roadblock and the next roadblock and the next roadblock and all that does is create more anxiety and frustration and stress. And sometimes when we hit roadblocks, that's an opportunity for us to zoom out and actually see what does the whole map looks like. Maybe we don't need to have such a tuned-in view. Maybe we need to scale back for just a second.

Take the opportunity to redirect to something else

So, all of that to say, if you're in that place where you're saying I've been doing all this work, I've been learning so much. And as I'm trying to actually enter in, I was doing everything I was told to do, and I'm entering into this, and now I'm getting met with pushback. This might be a great time for you to say what if I took this energy that I was pouring into buying a home and maybe I can redirect that into something else for the time being.

Let's avoid the burnout

What I don't want to happen to you is for you to run into these roadblocks and feel like, you know what I'm giving up. I don't want to ever purchase a home again. This is too stressful because buying a home on its own is a stressful event enough. Let alone, when you add a global pandemic to it and you add this crazy seller's market across the nation. So what I want you to be able to do is go from a place of confusion and frustration to a place of peace and calm.

Write.

So two things that I want you to do first, I want you to just write out how you're feeling. I know it sounds dumb if you are not used to journaling but anytime I have things that I'm, I'm kind of, mulling over in my mind, or that is frustrating, it really is so helpful to be able to write those down or to type those down. Then it's amazing to look at and see, oh, okay, these, these feelings, we're all kind of bottled up inside. And what happens in our mind is there all these like half-thoughts, right? They're not these complete logical thoughts that go on in our minds. They're this kind of half-open loops.

What we need to do is we actually need to pick apart those pieces in our brain, put them down on a piece of paper or type them out on some notes so we can actually see what's going on and we can help ourselves process that information a little bit. So open up a note on your phone, or take out a piece of paper and start writing down: how are you feeling about what you're going through right now? What's the frustration that you have? You can use that to vent. You can say I've been doing all this work, here's where I want to go, and here's the frustrations and the roadblocks that I'm meeting.

Then, you can use that to say, okay, this is my zoomed-out view. I see the bigger picture. I see that this isn't just about me. This isn't my fault. There are things that are going on externally around me that are affecting where I'm at right now. And maybe I use that as an opportunity, to slow down instead of continuing to push and being met with frustration. Maybe I can pull back a little bit.

So do that. That's going to help you understand more of how you're feeling that way you don't have all these half-thoughts, creating so much frustration and tension and anxiety inside of yourself.

Community

Then number two, I want you to use a community, to be able to explore those thoughts and feelings with other people as well, because if you're experiencing something, anything, it doesn't matter what it is. If it's frustration with home buying or if it's a difficulty in a relationship, or if it's financial issues, no matter what you're experiencing, somebody else's going through the same thing. And it takes somebody who has the courage to be able to say, hey, I'm going through this to be able to start a vulnerable conversation and create community with other people, right?

Because you're not alone in the struggles that you're going through. So being able to talk with a family member or a friend, or even a stranger at a coffee shop to be able to say, hey, yeah, this is something that I'm, that I'm going through and you'll find that you'll feel so much less alone in the difficulty that you might be feeling with all the stress that's going on when you're able to draw that connection and realize, Oh, okay, they're going through it too.

There's something about when we recognize that there is a community in the struggle that we're going through that adds a little bit of levity. It helps us realize, okay. It helps us zoom out and see the bigger picture of how everything is working.

Communication is the key

So I want you to do those two things. I want you to journal a little bit, and I want you to maybe talk with a friend or a family member about what's going on. So you can kind of find some connection in the confusion.

We all know it's difficult, and it's not your fault

So I know that this is a difficult time for buying a home and it can be really stressful, but I want you to take this as a time, maybe you slow down a little bit. What I don't want to happen to you is for you to get burnout because you're running into these frustrations because it's not about you. It's not your fault.

Take your time, it will all happen

You're doing the work, you're doing the right things. Sometimes it takes time and there are things that happen outside of us that we can't control.

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